Will the real Grinch please stand up?
The people of Wareham were in for a Seussian shock after the Christmas parade on Sunday, Dec. 4, when two Grinches accosted each other in Besse Park.
As stunned onlookers took pictures and video with their cell phones, the Grinch wearing Adidas sneakers (hereafter referred to as Grinch A) and the Grinch wearing boots (hereafter referred to as Grinch B) nearly came to blows, but decided to settle their differences with a game of rock, paper scissors.
Nevertheless, the Grinches, and the people of Wareham, left Besse Park that day not knowing which Grinch was the genuine mean, green present-stealing machine of holiday lore, and which one was an impostor.
In a hard-hitting interview, Wareham Week journalist Wes Cipolla sat down with both Grinches, asking tough questions and giving them the chance to make their case.
Which one is the real Grinch? Read their answers and decide for yourself:
Q: What were you doing in Wareham? Why did you come all the way from Whoville to attend the Christmas parade?
Grinch A: I heard that Wareham kids had the best presents and I just wanted to check them out. I promised Cindy-Lou Who I wasn’t going to steal, but if I see something I really like, I can’t promise it. I came to the parade because Santa was there. I just wanted to see how that big goofball looked, and I have to say, I look better.
Grinch B: I was there doing community service to reduce my sentence for stealing Christmas.
Q: What do you think of Wareham and its people?
Grinch A: I think the people here in Wareham look and act much better than the boring old snobs in Whoville.
Grinch B: Wareham is lovely and way quieter than Whoville.
Q: Who do you think played you best in the movie versions? Did Hollywood tell your story accurately?
Grinch A: I think no one played me good in the movies. I stole way more presents than they told you, and who said I turned super nice?
Grinch B: I loved the one with Benedict Cumberbatch, that one hit spot-on.
Q: Did you have anything to do with the theft of the Remembrance Tree in Besse Park on the night of Dec. 5?
Grinch A: I’m not the thief, I promise. But to be honest with you, I’m not good at keeping promises.
Grinch B: I needed the firewood.
Q: How do you respond to allegations that you are “a mean one” and “as cuddly as a cactus and as charming as an eel?”
Grinch A: I think people calling me a “mean one” is a bit harsh. I mean, after all, I did give your gifts back!
Grinch B: I think it’s hurtful, eels are very charming.
Q: How do you keep your green fur so silky smooth? What’s the secret?
Grinch A: I used some soap bottles I stole — I mean, borrowed — from Mayor Augustus Maywho.
Grinch B: Lots of green Head and Shoulders.
Q: I noticed you spent much of your time after the parade taking pictures with children. That’s a side to you we haven’t seen before. Are you turning over a new leaf?
Grinch A: I do have to say I enjoy my time around children way more than I used to thanks to Cindy-Lou Who.
Grinch B: No, just keeping my parole officer happy.
Q: How can we be sure that you’re the real Grinch?
Grinch A: I was the real Grinch. If you see any Grinch without Adidas sneakers, that’s not me.
Grinch B: It’s not that there was an impostor — there’s more than one Grinch. We’re a subspecies of Whos called Whats, and we don’t like each other.
Q: What does Roast Beast actually taste like?
Grinch A: Roast beast tastes like if you put cake and chocolate chip cookies together with candy.
Grinch B: Roast beef. What do you expect me to say, that it tastes like chicken?